Plain Jane
by janetheheroine
Summary: My own story, based on some true events in my personal life. Jane is plain, but she turns out to be more than that in her senior year of high school.
1. Intro : Hi, I'm Jane

Introduction

Greetings, my name is Jane Heroine Delacruz. I know what you must be thinking "Is your mom some kind of drug dealer?" and no, she is not. I think my name does make me sound like Columbian drug dealer, though. No doubt about that. But the story behind my middle name. As a child, my mother Margaret was obsessed with the super heroine Wonder Woman, she even conceived me in a phone booth…you probably didn't want to know that. My personal opinion about why she chose my middle name is simply because my mother is crazy; at times she can say the strangest things.

For example, when Margaret was talking about the birds and the bees for the first time, she explained to me "if a boy wants to get nasty with you, you say no because if you have sex now you will have babies with cone heads". Another example is when my younger sister Heidi was balancing a spoon on her nose and Margaret said to her "Your nose will become magnetized and all things metal will stick to your face. So, your father and I will know if you've gone down on someone if you come home with a belt buckle on your face".  
If you think my mother is bad, Carlos is worse. My father emigrated from the Philippines over twenty years ago to Canada and he still has his 'Fresh off the Boat' accent, but the thing is he came on a plane. Anyways, when it's really quiet and everybody is doing their own thing around the house, Carlos randomly bursts out laughing, and it's weird because you don't know exactly what he's thinking about. And some days, he'll walk up to you, ask you something normal (Like, "can you run to the store and buy pickles?" and the next thing you know, he makes this really odd face. His eyes pop out of his head, his big lips stick out and he starts licking one of his incisors. I remember when I was younger, he use to flip his eyelids inside out and scare anybody that was in a five foot radius.

But that's enough about my wonderful parents, let's talk more about Jane. Jane is going to be a senior at Sa-Hali High School in Kamloops, British Columbia. Now that I've told you where I live and where I go to school, please don't ask me to get in the van because you have candy. Candy is my weakness, end of story. I'm also kind of a no one at school, not many people talk to me. I don't mind, I rather blend in with the walls, they make more sense than the high school drama some days. My favourite colour is lime green (i prefer to call it Booger Green), and my favourite movie is Elephant. Some of my interests include dancing (I've been dancing since I was little but never took classes, I learned off of music videos), saying sarcastic and cocky remarks, and bugging the hell out of my best friend, Patrick Damien.

Patrick is a guy that I've known since we were eight years old; Patrick was turning nine in one month and a day before on the day when we met. It wasn't the usual sand box location most child hood friends meet, I actually met him spontaneously while running after an ice cream truck (I got a load of ice cream on my favourite sweater, Margaret couldn't get the stain out for months, she finally did when I turned thirteen). Patrick was a scrawny kid with big bulky glasses growing up, so I decided to get non-prescription glasses to make him feel better. Patrick is also very experienced when it comes to Robotics/Engineering. For his tenth birthday, I got him a remote controlled helicopter and the next day I saw him, he turned it into a razor for his mom. I don't know how he made the plsatic propellers really sharp, he still won't tell me to this day. As we got older though, he felt he needed a change. So, he got contacts and around grade 9 he started to work out, turned out he threw on about 30 pounds of muscle before Christmas.

Recently, I made fun of him for putting blonde frosted tips in his dark brown hair. I don't like frosted tips personally; I rather have a guy dye his entire head, but other girls do apparently according to him. I kind of offended him and I feel bad about it, I made him go to bed 14 minutes earlier than he usually does. Hopefully he'll forgive me or else I'm screwed and won't have any friends. Not to sound lovey dovey or cheesy, but he's the only one I got and I love him dearly. And I'm also concerned he'll spread true facts about how I fart or talk about my period in front of him, I don't need him ruining my imaginary reputation. So Patty, if you hack into my computer with your mysterious powers and see this, I'm sorry for being a bitch, forgive me. And P.S. , I've seen pictures of the imfamous frosted tips pictures just now on Facebook, i guess they're not that bad, so i'm sorry, again.

Well, I think that's about it for my lovely biography. Not much is happening in my life except the fact that I'm freezing my ass off at the moment. Tomorrow, I start my senior year of high school. I'm always reminding myself 'one more year of boring lectures, disgusting teachers and pathetic gossip'. So I raise my cup of luke warm tap water to my last day of summer, it's starting to feel like autmn the way my air condition is running. Here's my story, enjoy.


	2. Chapter One : Good Morning

Good Morning

The loud obnoxious siren from my alarm clock alerted me to wake up; I miss the times I could sleep in. During the summer, I slept like a bear; in a deep trance and craving for a snack. So, Margaret decided to buy me a police car alarm clock that screamed violently and drove around my room until I physically got up to turn the stupid thing off. One day I it on to annoy Margaret so I could get revenge, hid it underneath a pile of clothes. I came home that day to a clean room and the car on my bed, staring at me with its evil windshield; it's red and blue lights flashing in victory. That was the day I realized that I've met my match, and it was battery operated.

I got up from my soft cushiony bed and threw on my booger green thick framed glasses (I still think I look good in glasses, unlike Frosted Flakes Patty). I looked around my room, it was so luminescent in there, I felt like a million flashlights were being shined at my face. I finally located the car attempting to open my underwear drawer.

"You perverted little car!" I cried as I raced after the car to turn it off. Once I did, I opened the top drawer of my beige nightstand and chucked it into the drawer. I slammed it closed and headed downstairs for breakfast, in nothing but a pink oversized t-shirt and black granny panties. Margaret doesn't mind the semi nudity but if Carlos was home (which he never is by the time I leave for school, he's always at work super early), he would freak out and lay a couple of eggs.

I entered the kitchen and noticed Heidi at the dining table, doing her make-up. She's a year younger than me, and looks totally different compare to what I look like, Thinner bone structure, Hazel eyes, and naturally dark brown hair. Meanwhile I'm a little bit on the chubby side, shit brown eyes, and black wavy hair. People don't even think I'm her sister, I rather think of her being adopted. In my mind, her biological parents are homeless people that tried eating her. I sat down in the chair beside Heidi and examined what she was wearing for her first day of school. Her newly dyed light brown hair was up in a ponytail that was backcombed to the extreme (I wanted to scream 'IT'S ALIVE!'). She was wearing about nine pounds of make-up on her face, a neon pink tank top with a fitted black cardigan over top and the tiniest denim skirt I have ever seen.

"Wow…you look mighty decent for school" I sarcastically remarked while grabbing a box of Golden Grahams. Heidi took the time to stop applying her fifth layer of lip gloss to look at me.

"Well, what are you gonna wear?" she asked. I tipped the box into my mouth and filled it until it looked like I was attempting a chubby bunny.

"My 'I don't give a crap' outfit" I muffled, spitting out chunks of cereal meanwhile. By this time, Margaret entered the kitchen and noticed I was wearing black underwear. She instantly dropped the hamper of clothing she had. Heidi and I turned our heads to see what was wrong.

"Mom, are you okay?" Heidi asked, concerned.

"Are you being safe?!" Margaret freaked, I looked at her in disbelief and swallowed the cereal in my mouth.

"What are you talking about?" I wondered, she finally pointed at my underwear while picking up the hamper.

"You're wearing black undergarments, Jane!" I took a sip of Heidi's orange juice on the table.

"And?" I gurgled.

"Wearing black underwear means you've done the nasty!" I instantly spat out the orange juice.

"WHAT?! Mom, no!! I haven't had sex yet! Definitely have not had sex yet!" I exclaimed. Margaret's face eased off the tension. When my parents tick me off or really catch me by surprise, I call them Mom and Dad. Other than that, it's usually Margaret or Carlos.

"You sure you're not lying and that you are getting jiggy with it behind my back? Because a couple of days ago my bed smelt a little weird and" I stopped my mom in mid sentence.

"No. God no, dear lord no!" Hopefully that got the message by crystal clear. "Mom if I was sexually active, I would have came down here wearing a black g-string on with the phrase 'Bootylicious Bunny' in front" I explained. Margaret shrugged the conversation off at the moment while I wiped the orange juice off of my face.

"Anyways Jane, I need you to show your cousin Stacey around at school today" she clarified. "She'll be here in a few minutes to get a ride to school with you two today" Heidi looked at me and chuckled as my face was frozen on 'stunned' to my mother.

"Why do I have to do it?! Why can't Heidi?" I furiously asked. Heidi stood up from the table to put her make up bag in her faux Chanel purse.

"I'm not doing because I have a life and friends. You don't have neither so you're the number one contender" Heidi responded. She reached for her orange juice but I was able to snatch it sooner and chug it down. I got up from the table and placed the cup in the sink

"Fine, whatever. I'll do it" I finally gave in to my mother's demands (as always) and ran upstairs to get dressed.

My cousin Stacey just moved to Kamloops from Malibu (yes, the city in California. What a huge transition). She got kicked out of her old school for being, how would I describe it in one word; blonde. I remember at a family reunion. She asked me if the potato sack goes over her head before the race started. If she didn't know how to walk or talk, she would be brain dead by now. Anyways, her parents made her move in with our grandparents and explained to her (in either tiny words or really slowly) that if she doesn't graduate this year, she has to stay in Kamloops. I could imagine what her response would be to that ("But they don't have any malls there! What if there's no running water?!")

I came downstairs ten minutes later wearing a red flannel shirt and skinny jeans, my hair in a messy updo. I paced into the bathroom, splashed water onto my face and applied mascara and eyeliner. By the time I was out of the bathroom, Stacey and Heidi were sitting on the living room couch, not saying a word to each other. Stacey was wearing an upside down version of Heidi's wardrobe. Her hair was down and poker straight, one a few pounds of make-up (Heidi was more acne, that's why), a sky blue American Eagle t-shirt, and denim shorts. Though Stacey is my age and in my grade level, she could pass for a twelve year old at this point.

"Are you guys ready to go?" I asked loudly from the kitchen while grabbing my car keys and bag. There was a small pause until Heidi got off of the couch and came up to me.

"I don't like her" She complained.

"Uh, why not?" I muttered fiercely. I leave for a couple of minutes to get ready and already, Heidi and Stacey are at each other's throats, competing for having the better style. Sometimes I wonder, what the hell is wrong with teenaged girls these days?

"She made fun of my Chanel purse! Sure it's fake, I know that. But she said that I have the style of a mall rodent! Meanwhile, do you see what she's wearing at the moment? Like, I don't even want to think of her as family!" I could hear Stacey get off of the couch and walk into the kitchen.

"Oh, country bumpkin please! Leave your copy of 'The Hills' at home and let's go already. I'm started to become under attack by the pollution Heidi calls her hygiene." Stacey grabbed her real Gucci purse from the table and looked back at me and Heidi, her toe tapping impatiently in her cowboy boots.

"You look pathetic" Heidi hissed.  
"You look like the bottom of a dirty sandal" Stacey spat.

"YOU BOTH LOOK RIDICULOUSLY WHORSIH! NOW LET'S GO BEFORE I SMACK A POUND OF MAKE UP OFF BOTH OF YOUR FACES!" I snapped, shoving Heidi and Stacey out of the door to Elsie.

Elsie is my purple 1998 Cavalier; Margaret gave her to me for my sixteenth birthday. At first, she was yellow and she looked very bright, and bright colours give me headaches. So I dulled her colour down to a dark purple and got everywhere new inside of her. New stereo, new speaker setup and some new seat covers so I'm comfy and feeling good when I'm riding her (that's what she said!!). As the bickering ding dongs and I approached Elsie, Patrick was standing in my driveway. He was waiting by the passenger side so I would let him into the car.

"Patty Cake!" I smiled and started clapping my hands. "You read my blog entry yesterday!"

"Yes, of course I read your blog entry. You messaged me several times on Facebook to read it. I had about nineteen messages from you when I got home from work last night" Patrick explained. I managed to notice Stacey stopped arguing with Heidi and was looking at Patrick with her googly eyes. Patrick gave her a meek stare and waved timidly. I turned to Stacey, by now she was giving Patrick the full on 'damn boy, you looking like a fine piece of cake' look. I snapped a couple of times in her face to get her out of the trance.

"Um, hello? This is Earth trying to contact idiot from mars!" I yelled in an annoying tone. Stacey quickly looked up at me and gave me a dirty look. I shot one right back at her.

"Don't be a bitch to me, missy. Remember, I'm supposed to be your guide today. So, if you don't behave, guess who Grandma is going to make her scrub her feet?" Stacey stared at me in shock as I unlocked Elsie with the remote control on my keys.

"I'll go strap her in her car seat" Heidi suggested and grabbed Stacey by her arm, who by now is paralyzed from getting a verbal beating. Patrick looked and me and started to applaud.

"Well, you handed that well" he said impressed, I managed to take a bow.

"Thank you, thank you. I'm here until Saturday. Tip your waitresses" I joked and Patrick got a laugh out of it as well. I looked at Patty's hair and noticed his frosted tips were gone.

"What happened to the hair?" I asked, running my fingers through Patrick's short hair.

"You were right, the frosted tips were a little bit too much" he explained and I clapped in victory.

"See? I'm always right! Girls rule! Boys Drool!" I cried in victory. Patrick seemed a little embarrassed already by the fact that he was out ruled by a girl.  
"Okay, you win. Can we head to school now?" He asked nicely. I squished his cheeks with my hands and shook his head softly from side to side.  
"Okay Mister Patty Cake, Patty Cake, Baker's Man" I answered. I walked over to the driver's side of the car and got in, Patrick followed.

"Oh yeah, don't do the whole Patty Cake thing ever again. The Baker's Man part makes me sound like I'm the bitch of a butch figured baker." Patrick clarified. I chuckled as I pulled out of my driveway.

"Yeah, sure okay" I sarcastically said. The thing about Patrick is that sometimes, you can never take him seriously, which is what I love about him.


End file.
